she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
