I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Randomize
