you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
