i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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