Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
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