is your mom at the bar?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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