alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
