He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
