why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
