You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
