Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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