Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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