how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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