I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Randomize
