It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
