its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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