If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
