I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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