I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I've blown a few things in my day
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
