It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
