i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Randomize
