apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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