She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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