i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
