What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
