New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
