He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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