Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
