I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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