I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
