I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I wanna passion pit in your ass
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize