broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
