he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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