dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
