it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
