if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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