i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
