My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
