Dual....:-)
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
