did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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