I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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