Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Found your dick twin last night
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
