So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I wish I only lived at night.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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