Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
