Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
BRING THE BAGELS
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
