WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
