So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
