You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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