How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
