My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
